![]() ![]() To me, I was constantly trying to crush as much time into a given day. And one of the things that has been, I think, instrumental for me over the past few years has been really starting to focus more on energy instead of time. I guess at some point in time and this didn't happen with the flick of a switch, I started to reverse the flow and I started to sort of take a flier on this idea of, if I can begin with inner success, then. My mistake for a long time was in believing that outer success would somehow lead to inner success. And it's, I think, a sense of meaning and maybe personal growth. And if you consider outer success to be status and wealth and, you know, you know all those other things in that bucket, and then you have inner success, which is joy. I mean, the best way I can describe it is I really do think of like I do think that there is an outer success in an inner success. It's very different than than the way that I looked at it before. And so I guess, you know, I started to kind of re-orient on how am I truly going to be measuring myself, Right? How am I truly going to be looking at what like my definition of success is? And it's very different. ![]() And it was it wasn't that that stuff was bad, but it just wasn't necessarily was it necessarily sort of, I guess, filling me up in the way that I expected it to. I was getting, you know, enough money to take care of my family. I was getting I was getting some success. And I guess the way they changed for me is that I started to kind of realize that like. But along the way that things really changed. And that was sort of my best kind of perception of that. And I guess I, I always sort of kind of, you know, imagined that life was going to look a certain way when I was middle age. You know, I sort of had this kind of, you know, I guess, thing that I felt like I was chasing, which is that, you know, by the time that I'm middle aged, I want to be I want to have a certain level of success, whether it manifests itself with, you know, status or job or and, you know, wealth, all these sort of things. I guess I thought a lot about where I wanted to be by middle age. But what I admired more than that was that you had done all of these things and you had this character about you that you know more than anything else. And they wanted me to marry you because you achieved. What the hell are you doing with your grades and with your lice? You know, and but and so they wanted me to admire you because you were smart. And I always found that to be kind of very inspirational, especially because, you know, when it when mom and dad would compare the two of us, they were just kind of like, Oh, my God, look at Sanjay. You know, like you you wanted things you wanted and you knew that you had sort of, I think, big sights set for your life, but you were always very grounded in the way that you went about that. You know, there was always a a grounded as what I would say, grounded ambition. There's always like, there was always a confidence. But for me, you know, you seem so certain and you seem so like you seemed like you knew exactly what was happening. And now I realize you were 20 years younger than I am now, you know, and and it's just it's hard for me to sort of bring all this together in my mind sometimes. Like I see you as I see you as like this. It's so funny because I look when I when I imagine those moments, I see you as so old. I was 11 years old, but I kind of assumed that Dad was kind of on his last leg at that time. Like, I kind of assumed, I don't know if this was right for me to assume or not. But the other side of it that was much more positive was that they really started to develop some very healthy habits during that time. That was that was sort of the the one side of it. And and I think in a lot of ways, mom and Dad sort of wanted to kind of go into their shell a little bit during that time. But I always felt like there was a bit of shame that that sort of came with that, where I think we we didn't we stopped being as social as we as we had before we stopped interacting. And so I think that you might have a better sense of this than I do. But I think part of it was because he was so young. You know, it seems like it was just a massive, massive ordeal at that at that time. I think that, you know, having an operation like that is different today than it was back then. ![]() I was 11 years old when he was when he had his triple bypass, quadruple bypass surgery, you know, And that was you know, that was one of those situations where everything sort of changed. ![]()
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